I didn't do it!!!

One of the CW workers got the ax today... I feel bad for her. I like her.... But she didn't do her job right.. I mean a CW worker has to be on their toes. They have children's lives in their hands.... They have to know policy inside and out. They can't put off until tomorrow what needs to be taken care of today... I can't wait until I get out of school.. I want to be the very best child welfare worker there has ever been.!!!! Kids need and deserve a good life... A life without abuse or being only a file on someone's desk..................................... It was her time to go....sorry girl.. I"M going to miss you!!
Crystal came home with me today.. She is doing much better. Her blood levels are really low so she can't go in public much. The risk of infection is too great. So she came to my house, played on the puter and gave her mom a break. I"m glad she did. I enjoyed her being here.
Hubby is still working on the race car, trying to get it fixed so Jas can race this weekend...Hubby is leaving Friday to fish a tournament so he wants it done by tomorrow night..but tomorrow nite is Survivor......!!!!!! I'm not sure he will get it done...??????????????????????????????

MY Head HURTS!!

I haven't had a head ache in a long time..but I do today... I'm not sure what is causing it... Maybe it was the Child Welfare meeting today.. Our new director talked about being on cases that produce dead children or babies... Do I really want to spend the next four years going to school to be a CW worker?? Isn't that a depressing job?? But then I see kids like the ones I know and love that are part of the system and I KNOW I want to make a difference in their lives....................*SIGH******* MY HEAD HURTS!!!

Today is a NEW DAY!!

Aren't you glad when it's a new day and you get to start over... if we could just do that without dragging yesterday's thoughts and actions into the present it would be wonderful.. Start each new day with a clean slate.... Gee.. Market that one and I would be a millionaire!!!

I have a busy day today.. Had a staff meeting at 8:30, went to tan and worked out at the gym for about 1:30.. Now I'm going to do online homework..YUCK!!! Have another CW staff meeting at 2:00.. have to transport kids this afternoon.... I am so Glad they have a visit with the dad..he calms them down..if it was the mom all she does is get them going so they are as wild as possible.. I mean even teaching the little one to head butt that is just 2... They are precious kids, I always enjoy transporting them... I do wonder though... why would a parent stick cigarettes to a child's back.. Not once but 6 times... teach them to head butt and still pretend to love them and want only their best interest.... ???? Strange world out there sometimes huh....

I guess to answer the first question.. The reason we can't start with a clean slate every morning is because of parents like the one I just mentioned... if they got away with it every time where would it end?? Next it wouldn't be just their kids.. it would be the neighbor kids.. and on and on...

I'm so glad I"m normal...LOL.. I mean.. I just started college at 49.... I get fired up about kids, races, God, family, all the normal things... I look for excitement outside my norm and tend to pick the underdog in any enviroment to see if I can change and make things better for them... if I get involved in their lives then I don't have to worry about what is wrong in mine right????????? Who said anything was wrong? LOL... I mean... What could be wrong?? I have a wonderful hubby, 3 grown boys... 27-21-19.. a wonderful daughter in law.. Two of the most precious grandchildren... a roof over my head.. and enough love for the whole world to go around from now til eternity..........................I have everything...

Life is good.. Life is GREAT... Life is just not Perfect... but then it never will be right????

Crystal had Chemo Today...

My head isn't with it tonight I don't guess... Crystal's Chemo went good today... Her and her mom are spending the night with her grandmother.. except... Grandma isn't there, she is in another hospital in the same town. It seems yesterday she started having mini strokes.. Pray for her!!!

Thanks........

OOOPS!!!

I forgot the picture........Dummy me.. ok here it is.. I took it with my phone so it's not very good!!!

BANG!!! As in banging your head against a brick WALL !!

Ok.. here it is.. I"m going to add a picture of the banged up car... Hubby says we aren't going back.. Jason says we are.. But hubby is out there right now working on the car. Even a guy in the lumber yard today told the #7.. if you have anything to say about the race.. we better take it outside because it's going to get ugly in here!!!! LOL....Now that is loyalty..!!!!
One of my kids had his tonsils out today. I went to the hospital. Just as he was about to get released his mom showed up. He turned his head and wouldn't even look at her. I ask him if he was going to talk to her. He said NO, she didn't want to come until I was leaving so I don't have to talk to her. Then he ask if I would carry him to the car. How is it that children can get so close to people they barely know and yet be so distant to those they love the most. Aren't we all like that in a way? We hurt the ones we love the most. Shut the ones we love out and be so sweet and understanding to strangers... I'm taking Psychology.. is that the fight or flight mode? Our built in radar that keeps us from getting hurt?
We have a Child Welfare staff meeting tomorrow.. Today was our director's last day. WE have a temp until they hire a new one. Do you think they will find a place for me full time... I would love that... a real paycheck.. insurance.. paid holidays... man oh man... ( but do I want to work for the DHS full time?? I mean food stamps, Tanif, CW, all that crap).... Decisions, Decisions.!!!
Oh yeah.. my youngest son might change schools at semester... He is presently going to OU.. but he feels they are mostly all stuck up and he doesn't seem to like it there.. So he might come back and go to the same College I am going to.. get his basics and go from there... WOW.... I'm excited... going to school with my BABY!!! but then.. that means I have to be nice....and not embarrass him...Darn!!!!

It's almost Monday!! *sigh*

Well the weekend is almost over.. Time to start thinking about the crap that needs to be done.. Like paying the bills in the morning before I leave for school.. Actually, I'm thinking about skipping school tomorrow... shhhhh..!! Don't tell... It's just this weekend has been so wild. My kids were all here.. Don't get me wrong .. I love having them here.. I"m never happier than when I can walk through the house and see all my kids asleep under my roof..!!!Hubby and Brad fished a tournament.. We rushed to the Calcutta, Rushed to the races, I got up with my little one 10 month old Braden during the night.. Played Barbies with Kali... My middle son, Hank was sick and throwing up all weekend.. Jason and Hank are still here, neither of them are leaving until in the morning to go back to college... I feel like I"ve rushed all weekend. Drank too much at the races last night when I got so mad...I want a break!!! I haven't even done my homework yet.. Hubby didn't win the fishing tournament.. MAN oh man I could have used that money.. it was 3700.00 in the Calcutta and about 2000.00 to win..but they bombed..only about 7 out of 42 teams even caught a bass.... maybe next weekend... !!
Have a good week.... !! Check back later.. I might not be so bitchy then...lol.... Cya.!!

Races !!

Good Morning!!! Just in case your wondering.. I"m using red font because I am HOT as in Mad as Hell !!
Well last night were the races.. my youngest son races a bomber on the local asphalt track. He has for 4 yrs... It is always exciting but last night was more than exciting.. My hubby NEVER and mean NEVER looses his tempter. But,.... Lately they have been picking on Jason...One person told us.. It's because they don't like the winners.. and we have been way ahead of everyone all year until the last 2 or 3 weeks... (that is because we had to get a new car because someone spun us out and trashed the old one) so to keep us from taking the lead they have been doing stupid stuff...things like they give nobody else a black flag but do Jas even when it's the other guy that spins him out, they give others extra laps to change tires but seem to always start the race back just as we are ready to go back on the track so we have to wait. All this has started since we have been leading in the points.. So as a result, the last 3 weeks we have fallen behind in the points with only 3 races left. We could catch up but not with the way they are doing us. We haven't gotten to finish a race but once in the last 4 races because of the bull s**t...we always have to start at the back of the pack.. just about the time we got in second place a guy spun us out.. we lost the front bumper and messed up the some of the fender..but the guys worked really fast and Jason got back on the track.. once again had to come from the back of the pack to get in third place.. when we got there a guy we "thought" was our buddy did us really dirty... Just as Jas was going around him.. an easy thing to do because our car is by far faster....well anyway.. Hubby and #7's dad both saw the same thing.. #7 deliberately turned his wheel hard to the right and smashed Jason into the wall... Jas spun, did a 360 and hit the wall again............. Totally trashed the car!!!! It won't be able to race again this year without mega money and time... Jason gets out totally pissed, walks over to the other guy asking him what the hell he thought he was doing... The track officials get on Jason... !!!! Hubby came unglued.. When #7 drives off the track.. Hubby, #7's dad and Hubby's brother all screamed at him... The cocky idiot just laughed and said.. well if Jason isn't in the running maybe I will get second in points this year!!!!!! THE ASS!!!! He is so stupid he can't even tell.... Jason is almost 800 points ahead him.. even if we don't race again this year he can't catch up and pass us in points... WE had a chance of taking the lead again last night and winning the points for the year last night if we had finished first... which we would have because the two cars in front were not usual winners.. They were slower cars that just got to start at the first because they were slow... They finished in the back... but we couldn't finish the race... OUR CAR IS TRASHED...!!!!
Later another driver went into the press box and jumped the owner..Someone who has been a rival all year but races fair and dislikes trouble.. Asking him why they pick on Jason and don't disqualify the idiot... They said it gets the crowd going and that is what they want...!!! Before the races were over hubby's brother cornered # 7... The idiot again stated.. Hey if he messed his car up that is racing... if he can't take the heat get off the track... This # 7 has crashed people all year long... Messed up mega cars and NEVER gotten disqualified or a black flag.... Most of the time they don't even make him go to the back of the pack for doing it..!!! But if Jason even drives through a wreck without braking.. they put him in the back, and give him the black flag for unsportsmanship conduct!!
Why do people do that.. are people actually that vindictive?? I mean.. it's not like Jason was a threat to this guy.. why trash his car for the fun of it.. the only guy that Jason has been competing for in points was about 5 cars behind them when the wreck happened...........
Sometimes I just want to scream at people and ask them if they have always been ass holes or if they are learning as they go!!!!

Crissy

Here is a picture I took of Crissy this past week... After she has lost all her hair... Her smile tells it all....
Her attitude is fantastic!!!

Crystal

Here are a couple of pictures of my niece Crystal. The first one is right after her first stay in the hospital when she first got her port in for Chemo. The second one was taken just a few months before she got sick.

Changing the World... One Thought at a Time!!

A lot has happened since I started this page.. Where do I begin... My 13 yr old niece has Hodgkins Lymphoma. For everyone who doesn't know what that is... She has CANCER. It's a mass as big as two large fists that is in both sets of lymph nodes in her neck, the ones under her left arm and it lays across her heart. We have a large family..It's not been easy for any of us to accept the fact that Crystal has cancer. It's really a long story and I won't bore you with it today...

But yesterday I stopped by her house. Crissy has been withdrawing from everyone.. Being either totally smarty pants or silent. Depending on the day or the moment. Her mom was asleep when I walked in so I tiptoed through the house. I was expecting Crissy to be asleep also. She wasn't. She was in her room, laying on the bed watching TV. She didn't have anything on her head. I think that embarrassed her when I saw her bald head. (She lost all her hair with Chemo). She had a strange look on her face when she saw me.. I knew I had come at a vulnerable moment. I sat on the end of her bed and we talked. We probably talked deeper than we ever have in our lives. Crissy means the world to me.. She is like my daughter. I know she thinks of my boys as her older brothers. She is an only child and has always been close to me and my boys.

You know.. we never know what life will deal us. How can we take it for granted. If I had cancer I would probably be on this big pitty party. Scared to death and mad at the world. I learned a lot in that hour with a precious barely teenager. I wish I had her faith and back bone. He attitude was basically. I have to deal with it.. I have no choice. Why be upset I can't change what God has given me.. I can only let it make me and my faith stronger. I will find out who really cares and who is only pretending to be my friends. Basically I have already found that out. Some stay in touch, others don't know what to say so they avoid me. She is a smart girl.. Strong in ways that have nothing to do with strength. Her exact words were "People used to think I was weak because I was so thin and didn't play sports and stuff.. But I'm strong and I'm going to beat this thing. I know God will give me the strength to pull through. If he doesn't then I will deal with that and have the faith it takes to meet him face to face."

OH MY GOD!!! All that from a 13 yr old wise beyond her years. Strong beyond any physical strength. Faith that can and will move mountains!!! Pray for Crystal.... and pray for the people she will come in contact with. God will and is talking through her and her situation to many..!!

On a different note.. I had to transport kids yesterday for Child Welfare. I have transported these children before. I kept thinking this one lady at school looked familiar but little did I remember.. Well not until I pulled up at her house with her 3 children and she came out the door. No wonder she hasn't been very friendly at school. She remembers me but I didn't place her.. Wrong place, wrong role in life I guess.??? I have no idea why her kids are in custody... I didn't ask... she is going to school to be a nurse... Does a nurse abuse her children?? Does a nurse take drugs?? What has happened in her life that her children are wards of the state and she is in the process of becoming a person who helps people?? Life is strange huh?

One of the other kids at school has me worried.. He wrote some poems.. he is so proud of them.. He printed them out and brought them for me to read... He is a troubled boy from a troubled back ground.. you can see it and hear it in his writing... I don't much about him.. but I want to get to know him. Was he a part of the system at one time, or did his mom move around a lot so the system didn't catch up? I know his dad has not been a part of his life. We have talked about that. I also know he has been in some trouble lately... Can my influence make a difference in his life? I have wondered many times why I decided to go back to school and yet as I get to know more and more people there I can't help but think, maybe it's not the school I was suppose to attend but the people God has placed in my path...

Well it's Saturday and I have a million things to do today.. Hubby is fishing this weekend. The Calcutta is today. He wants me and my daughter in law to go with him and my oldest son. But my youngest races tonight.. I don't want him going there alone.. So I guess I better get busy and get everything done so I can go one way at 3 and rush the other way at 7 to make the races... Now that leaves another decision.. What do you wear to a fisherman's Calcutta and when do you change into your racing shirt that says "MOM" of #13.... ???? Life... OH man... but you know ... at least God allowed me to be a mom and a good one I think.. I have great kids.... with great morals.. and high hopes, that look to God for guidance...
Pray for those that don't... Pray for the foster kids and the parents that put them in foster care.... when I first started to work foster care as an aide I wondered why I took this job.. I know why...my supervisor told me then.. Just remember.. what ever happens.. what ever decisions we make that someone doesn't agree with it's not our fault or the kids fault.. The parents put them here by their actions... IT's always the parents fault.!!!!
Pray for all those parents out there.. That God will guide them this Saturday night and no more children will be the victims of the system!!!!

Changing the World... One Thought at a Time!!

Changing the World... One Thought at a Time!!
Where do I start?? So much to say and yet where is the beginning.. Where does it end? What makes a person be a bad parent? What kind of parent will walk away from their child without regrets? What kind of person would abuse their child.??

I ask myself these questions every day. I see children that are so thirsty for love and attention. I spoiled my boys rotten.. Do I regret it?? NO WAY!! They never one day of their lives will wonder if I love them. Never will they question what they mean to me. They know I love them. They will grow up to be good parents.. They know how important it is.. and they welcome the opportunity....Unlike others.

I could tell you stories that would scare you for life. Stories of abuse and neglect... Of parents that will walk away just for a high... Walk away from their own flesh and blood just for drugs... Harm their own children because they are high on drugs.. Or have so much anger in themselves they take it out on poor innocent children that end up in the hospital.. If they are lucky so that someone, somewhere notices and puts a stop to it before the next face they see is that of the LORD...

My intention is not to tell horrible stories... But to wake people up... make them aware of their neighbors, of the children in the Wal Mart that are being dragged to the car..Of the quiet child at school... quiet because no one knows what happened last night at their house.. Children scare to tell because they are afraid it will only mean more of the same... I just want someone, somewhere to read this and make a difference in some child's life. A difference for the better.

I had a foster parent tell me once. Just one night in my home might give a child HOPE. Just one hug might let them know someone cares what happens to them. I want to be that hug or that bed offered.. I want to change a child's life. Sure it hurts when they have to leave. My heart breaks everytime.. But I can go on.. I can love another and another.. Without the night in my house that child might never know what love is or means.. I'm willing to cry for them, to pray for them, to love them. God will heal my hurt with another hungry child. I might be some child's only HOPE. That is why I"m a foster parent. God didn't think I needed to have children of my own. He knew I had too much love to give to just one child. He knew I needed to love every foster child that I come in contact with. He gave me a gift... I pass that gift on to every foster child that spends a night in my home and receives a hug from my loving heart!!!

That foster parent is an Angel sent directly from God.!!!

So help me here.. Help me to make others aware...Stop the circle of abuse.. Stand up for something before you become part of the problem by not caring enough to Stop the turmoil of abuse.!! These Children are so special each one.. everyone... They cry real tears... They have very real fears... They just want to be loved.... Just like everyone else!!

Child abuse...is many things.. Sometimes neglect can be so hurtful for child!!

Friday, September 23, 2005
Today I had a grandparent stop me... She was very upset. She has raised her grandson since both parents were put in jail for Meth. both making and selling.. They are both out of jail now but she continues to raise the child. The parents have divorced... It's complicated but then every situation surrounding abuse is.
The mom has been staying with the grandparents and child. Her latest boyfriend beat her up. She got picked up again from drugs.. She is waiting to get into drug rehab...But low and behold today things changed. The daughter called the boyfriend. He came and picked her up less than a block from the house. Her son, 7 years old was playing outside with friends. He saw her leave with the man.. He goes running home.. Screaming,"Nana, Mama left with him. She left again.. She didn't even say bye.. Nana why did she do that. He will hurt her again.. Hurry Nana, I have to go save Mama.. I have to stop her from leaving.. He then broke down crying.. Nana, she didn't even wave bye to me... she didn't even wave!!! " He then began to cry and shake until his whole body was shaking.
What do you tell a 7 yr old at that point?? How do you explain that the sex and the drugs are more important to his mom than he is?? How do you replace the confidence that has been washed away from the little boy that lives to have mom watch him hit a home run or break a board in Karate.. Only to have him feel so helpless and unloved.. Wondering what he did wrong that mom left.. or thinking he has to go after her and SAVE HER!!!
Nothing can save her.......................... Pray and thank God that the little boy has Nana so he never has to be in the house again when it blows up from a Meth lab like he was before. Pray he never has to be rushed to the hospital with burns or injuries from the boyfriend who is doped up and boy is in the way.. Or will tell what he has just seen.......
God Help those children that don't have a Nana to go running to!!!

Where do I start?? So much to say and yet where is the beginning.. Where does it end? What makes a person be a bad parent? What kind of parent will walk away%