Friday, October 28, 2005
I can't sleep... it's late.. I have too much on my mind.. my ear hurts... I'm restless and edgy... I was asleep and about 11:30 Vickie called me. (my sister-Crystal's mom) It's odd that she would call me that late. I instantly thought something was wrong. She said no I just never returned your call from earlier today.. We talked a bit then she began to cry. I ask what was wrong. She said.... "I just shaved my head". It seems Crystal has been trying to go back to school this week. It's been really hard for her. Before she got sick the girls there were sometimes cruel about their remarks and comments. (I have a big problem with people that do that... either be the same or shut up..but don't be one way one time and another way another time...be honest about how you feel about your friends. honest enough to tell them what you tell others) Crystal thought since she had gotten sick that the girls had grown up. Petty jealousy and games would be a thing of the past. She was wrong. They act about the same except for a couple of special ones. Crystal feels left out and alone. The boy that was her boyfriend before she got sick won't even talk to her now. (he doesn't want bothered with being her friend--his words)..She told her mom she thought her friends would support her and help her though and they have just made it harder for her..... So to show her support Vickie shaved her own head. When Crissy went to bed Vick called me... How do you protect your child? How do you know what to say when things like cancer threaten their very existance? How do you protect them from peer pressure and harmless teasing in some eyes but hurtful back stabbing in others? As a Mom what can you do?? If you defend and get involved you look like you hate their friends... If you shut up it looks like you approve of the teasing or back stabling.... If your child ignores it then the problem only gets worse.... ONLY GOD HAS THE ANSWER... PRAYER!!!
Crystal is going through soooo much right now..just the battle to stay alive and beat the cancer is more than most adults could handle ... let alone a 13 yr old girl.. when this is over she will be such a stronger person and realize that her friends weren't worthy of being called HER friend if that is how they choose to act.....But until then... how do you handle this problem?
It makes those petty jealousy and hateful meaningless comments seem so uncalled for and unimportant.... There is a person in one of my classes at school..She seems like a very sweet person..but resently I without ever realizing she would repeat and add to what I said...or even know the person i referred tooo I commented on one of my boys and how he gets annoyed with little things like his phone ringing non-stop.. he has lots of friends and little day time minutes..Plus he is a guy.. guys don't talk on the phone like us girls do... but this person took what I said.. blew it up some and made a harmless comment into a huge problem.... this is how the girls are doing Crystal.......... why does these things happen.. LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR this kind of crap!! We all need to watch what we say.. and treasure those people in our lives that God has placed here for a short time..Me included...
When I was in high school my very best friend's sister got killed... I grew up that yr so much more than I had before.. Life took on a new meaning to me and I saw things so different than others in my class that didn't know my friend or her sister... It changed me.. Just as all this will change Crystal and all of us who are affected by it.. I know it has already started to change us.. My boys try to hide it but there are times... They are doing the man thing.... They don't want to talk to anyone... They hold it all inside.. as their mom.. I'm soo proud of how they have supported Crissy and been there for her..but also as their mom I wonder..Why? We aren't suppose to question God ever..but... lately I wonder not question just wonder why God picked Crystal .. Why my boys? It's a big burden to them to always be there for her... to support her and treat her as they always have... make her feel like the little sister that annoyes them and they love above and beyond ...Yet they welcome this "burden of love" they embrace it with open hearts.... They might be short some days with others... have little to say because these little things seem petty in view of what is actually going on in our lives ... yet they never fail to be there for her...She is THEIR little SISTER... the one they never had.. and the big brothers she never had... So all I can say is look out world... Here comes trouble if you upset her ..... She is special.. God made her special... She will always be special..... God won't give more than we can handle but he will help us handle what he gives us.....That might be knockin some heads together huh boys to set a few thoughtless teenagers in good old LW straight!!!
Crystal's birthday is Oct 30th.. she will be 14.. We are having a party at my mom's on Saturday for her..if anyone would like to send her a note or ecard her email address is crissy73655@yahoo.com ..I know she will love that.. She starts her last round of chemo on Tuesday....21 days in the round then they will go in and redo all the tests to find out exactly what is going on with the cancer ................ PRAY.... for her and her parents... Plus I'm not sure many know this.. Crystal's grandmother (her dad's mom) has been so upset about all this she had a heart attack a few weeks back.. Crystal has worried it was her fault..(which it wasn't)... See how much this young child has on her mind and so she tries to go back to school to get it off her mind and live a normal life and BANG... it's normal all right, complete with worthless comments and hurtful looks....
Life isn't fair.... But then God never promised us heaven on earth did he.... He just promised us eternal life if we trust in him!!! Only he can save us..... !!! The Power of PRAYER is AWESOME!!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Wow!! What a relief... I just took my psychology test...!! I was a nervous wreck.!! I managed to make an 82 on it.. I wanted to do better but hey .. that is a B.. I'm OK with that!!! I think Jason made an A in this class last year... I can't let him out do me that bad... Hank said it was the hardest class he ever took and he made a B in it... My boys are smart.. what can I say... it would be nice if I could say they got it from me!! LOL
Speaking of my boys... You know.. I have always been really proud of them..but each day I think that pride gets a little bit bigger... My daddy used to always say.. your just as good as the friends you hang out with.. remember that and choose wisely because if they mess up.. you will be blamed right along with them..!!! My daddy was a smart man... As each day passes and I get to know my boy's friends ever better I KNOW I have good boys.. They have great friends.. I don't think there is a girl that Jason knows that I wouldn't approve of as a daughter in law... Each one of them are special and he is close to each one in a special way... Hank is a friend to everyone he knows.. he is always trying to help them fix things in their lives and be there for them...Brad has a wonderful wife.. he is a fantastic dad.. where did he learn that from.. a good combination of his dad and myself I would guess... I might be a long way from perfect.. I might make huge mistakes at times..but my boys still love me.. They are great kids.. Love the Lord... and have good friends that do tooo.....
Oh Jason has friends that get upset with him at times... lol.. he is bad about not having his phone with him and they think he is ignoring him.. Just tonight at the Sonic I had a girl from his home town rush up to me and ask me what Jason's problem was.. he never answers his phone and doesn't return her calls... I put the blame where it belongs.. after all I"M the mom... He and Hank share 500 day time minutes... Jason's phone rings off the wall at times.. unless they have cingular he is using the minutes.. which isn't a problem if it's weekends or after 9PM or it's a cingular call.. other wise Jason uses all the minutes and Hank is left with nothing.. or the bill goes sky high...So I told her.. Well that is probably my fault.. I get on to him for using all the minutes and always on the phone... She was really nice about it.. I sure Hope I haven't hurt anyone's feelings... I'm just being a mom like always..lol...I tend to get a little defensive with girls that like to spend too much time in my boy's lives.. ask my daughter in law.. before they got married.. I was horrible at times... I didn't know how to let go and back off.. I"m better now but gee.... those are my babies................. I wanted them to stay little and live at home FOREVER!!!!
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Although things are not perfect
Because of trial or pain
Continue in thanksgiving
Do not begin to blame
Even when the times are hard
Fierce winds are bound to blow
God is forever able
Hold on to what you know
Imagine life without His love
Joy would cease to be
Keep thanking Him for all the things
Love imparts to thee
Move out of "Camp Complaining"
No weapon that is known
On earth can yield the power
Praise can do alone
Quit looking at the future
Redeem the time at hand
Start every day with worship
To "thank" is a command
Until we see Him coming
Victorious in the sky
We'll run the race with gratitude
Xalting God most high
Yes, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
Zion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!
"I AM Too blessed to be stressed!"
The shortest distance between a problem and a solution
is the distance between your knees and the floor.
The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything.
Love and peace be with you forever, Amen.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Crystal did her eighth day of treatment in her 21 day cycle yesterday.. She had a reaction again like she did on the first round. Thank goodness she was still in OKC and Vick got her straight to the emergency room. Her reaction wasn't as bad as last time or so they said. They kept her at the hospital and were giving her blood at 11pm because her levels were below 8. Pray for her and Vick. It's really hard on them. I feel guilty they wanted me to go with them yesterday but I thought it was more important to clean my carpets.........
It seems like just when we think things will be ok something happens that sets things bad again. Does that mean we should live each day like there is no tomorrow and if we did. What would we do...??? Would we party and carry on or would we live as good as we could and spend all our time telling others not to worry because we knew where we would go tomorrow??? Think about it.................................. It's a life altering decision!!!
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