Restless ~~~~~

RESTLESS~~~~~~~

I can't sleep. Everyone in the house is asleep. I"m the luckiest woman on the face of the earth. I have my family, they are all healthy. No real big problems except short on money, but who isn't. Yet my mind wonders and I can't sleep.

I talked to Crystal tonight. She is on the second day of her start of her third round of chemo. She is doing good. My youngest was over there trying to cheer her up. Big job for someone's baby huh? But he is a great kid with big shoulders, I"m sure he can handle it!!!

My oldest son and his family came in today. He took my granddaughter hunting. The video was really good, she is so precious. Hearing her talk to her DAD all dressed up in camo and sitting in a hunting blind talking about the four deer about 150 feet off. It's priceless. Watching Brad with his son right before bedtime. The little one crawling all over the floor playing chase with his dad. It makes me so happy to see what a great DAD my son is. I'm sooo lucky!!

Sometimes I know my middle son wouldn't want to know this but we are more alike that he wants to believe or see. All his friends come to him for advice and with their problems. Today was my day to be like him I think ?

There are others out there not so lucky. I worked today. I transported some foster kids. They had a visit with DAD. The DHS can't really find anything that DAD did but marry a psycho that burned their youngest with cigarettes to try to get it blamed on DAD so she would get custody in the divorce. They can't prove what happened. He passed the lie detector, she didn't. But still DAD hasn't had but one hour a week supervised visits with his sons in over a year now. It makes me so sad.

I got an email from a child that used to be in foster care. Her and her brother are part of the tribal now. Their mom is getting out of jail this week and they might get to go back and live with her soon. The little girl wanted to know if I would come to her brother's football game when he plays in our town soon. She said he was upset because his mom said she couldn't go to a football game. She would be too busy since she is just getting out of jail and needs to see all her old friends and look for a job. WOW... she isn't even out of jail yet but she already knows she will be to busy to watch her son she hasn't seen in 3 yrs play football..................................................... Amasing huh?????!!!!!!

Then tonight my phone rings. It's the grandmother of the little boy that had his tonsils out. The little boy is crying. He hasn't heard from mom since the day she showed up at the elevator when we were leaving the hospital. So they called me. I enjoy being everyone's favorite. But I can't take the place of his mom no matter how hard I try. The mom is off somewhere doing drugs and the little boy is crying himself to sleep.

It's strange that my phone rang twice tonight with problems. There is a boy in my psychology class at college. I have sorta adopted him. He is a troubled teenager. I could see it from day one. He put my number in his phone one day saying if he ever needed mothering he would call me. Just as a joke at school. Tonight his mom called me. She was crying so hard I could hardly understand her. They had just arrested him. He was with some friends on Sunday night. They robbed a place. She claims he was just with them but didn't want to and didn't do anything but hold the door. That is the only place they could find his finger prints. But they did find them on the door. He told her to call me and see if I knew a good lawyer. I told her one. Then she started to cry even harder saying they don't have any money. She can't afford a lawyer. I don't really know what she wanted from me.?? She said he has court tomorrow to post bond. She has no money for bond, no money for a lawyer. Did she think I was going to offer to pay his bond and help? I wish I could but I can't do this. I barely know the kid, but I could tell he was a troubled kid from the first time I ever saw him. He wrote some poems and I read them. They are heart breaking. Now I can't sleep. I told her I would call tomorrow to see how court went. What can I tell this woman???

I had a bad day at work today. Nothing special just restless I guess wondering if I was doing the right thing. Keeping my job and going to school. What difference could I make. I"m just one person. There are tons of mixed up people who either abandon or neglect their children. Why do I think I could make a difference???

But laying in bed beside my hubby and my granddaughter I think. You know I"m just one person. I"m not perfect, I have made millions of mistakes, but I have raised good, Christian kids. Maybe just maybe I could make a difference in just one of these kids lives. Maybe just maybe they could find love and direction instead of anger, hate, drugs, alcohol, or trouble. Did God put me in college to be a worker or because of the kids I would meet while I am going to college............

Don't we wish we had the answers and could see into the future.??? Pray for my foster kids.. Yes they are mine... Pray for my college friend... Pray for me.... God has a plan. I'm just not sure what it is. Don't let me go down the wrong path because I am looking for the right one so hard!!!!

Good Nite... Sleep tight... I wish I may, I wish I might, Have this wish I wish tonight!!!!